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People often say they hate hospitals. They’re depressing, drab, sterile and that smell… You can’t shake that smell a hospital has. I spent a lot of time at Vancouver General while working at Cafe Ami, but it never really felt like I was at the hospital. Confined in the warm steamy brews and rich aromas, it wasn’t half bad. The only time I really felt uncomfortable working in that setting was when I saw the misery in some of the patients’ eyes as they made their way down for a coffee. Worse was the sadness in the visitors’ eyes.
Since my mom’s been in the hospital, I’ve come to experience the hospital in a whole different way. Walking the long corridors to the spine unit, I am overcome with so much emotion. I’m mostly concerned for my mother’s comfort and well-being but seeing other patients in the unit is really haunting. Since we’re in the spine unit, there are lots of people who are paralysed (or look to be) and I feel so overwhelmed by the pain. It doesn’t help that the poor gentlemen sharing my mom’s room is moaning for pain meds all day.
I’ve seen how such a major surgery can strip a person of their pride and dignity. My mom, the ever-giving caretaker she is, feels helpless and it breaks my heart. How is it such an independent woman whose raised 3 grown children can become so small and innocent so fast? To make matters worse, being a care aide herself, my mom refuses to over-burden the nurses by asking for help unless urgent and necessary. This means she’ll sit in the cold hoping someone will drop by to get her a blanket rather than asking for one. Or spending the entire night thirsty so not to bother for another cup of water. Even at the time she should lean on everyone the most, she still tries her best to bear her own burden.
I’ve come to see the dynamics of healthcare too. Just a small glimpse in this small ward. The amazing attentive nurses who truly care. And also, the nonchalant, ever-rushed nurses who leave you feeling empty and colder than before. I feel bad I can’t be with my mom at all times to ensure she’s getting the best of the best. I know for the most part it’s been ok but I also know as days wear on, they start counting her as another bedrester that can be used for a new patient. And that thought makes my mom fear to press the little red button for help.
I don’t hate hospitals. I am thankful for the care and attention my mom has received. But the reality is, the limitations of the hospital aren’t the fault of any of the staff; they are working so hard with the resources they have. And I know VGH is the best of the best and she’ll be fine when the healing is complete. But right now, I can’t help but feel lost turning every corridor, entering that 9th floor room, and knowing that I can’t alleviate any of my mom’s discomfort.
I hate the food though. Blech.
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yeah, my mom’s been in the hospital before…it’s hard. it’s difficult being a young adult with a parent who’s getting close to being a senior. i hope everything works out well for you and your mom.
Comment by comettrail February 6, 2011 @ 12:43 am